No surprises, please: a mother's story of betrayal and the fragility of inclusion.

As the parent of a child qualified for special education services under the Individuals With Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), I have often felt a lingering sense of apprehension when encountering some of the school personnel. At the same time I align myself with educational professionals because I, too, have worked in schools as both a general and special educator. Perplexed by this apparent contradiction, I sought a deeper understanding by re-examining my own experiences while exploring the question, ‘‘What circumstances might be contributing to this disconnected feeling I have from other adults who have significant influence over my son’s life?’’ Thus, in this paper I attempt to shed light on the often unintended consequences of school personnel’s comments and actions as told from the perspective of someone who is both the mother of a young child with disabilities and an experienced teacher, sensitive to the particular conditions and constraints of the special education system. The importance of building relationships, especially between parents of students with disabilities and the school personnel who work with these children, cannot be overstated. In-services for teachers, therapists, and administrators offer Tips for Better IEP (Individual Education Plan) meetings (Spectrum Training Systems, 2005). Strategies for Communicating effectively in difficult situations (Keystone Area Education Agency, 2005) are also offered to school personnel. Preservice textbooks for teachers nearly always include a section about the importance of developing a positive parent–professional relationship (A. Turnbull, Turnbull, Erwin, & Soodak, 2006). The Reauthorization of the Individuals With Disabilities Education Act of 1997 emphasized the role that parents of children with disabilities should play in the development of a child’s Individual Education Program (IEP). Furthermore, states and school districts are increasingly adopting more inclusive practices where children with IEPs spend more time in the general education classrooms, thus increasing the numbers of school personnel who need to share information. Considering this, it seems of increasing importance that positive parent–professional relationships develop. Regardless of the available information and opportunities for school personnel to learn more about strengthening relationships with parents as partners, I continue to experience situations that distance me from school personnel. Here, I share some of these experiences, although I do so cautiously, ever-conscious of the misunderstandings that often occur between parents of children with disabilities and school personnel (Biklen, 1985; Erwin & Soodak, 1995; Ginsberg, 2002; Soodak & Erwin, 1995; Wickham-Searl, 1992) to the possible detriment of the child. My efforts to share these stories are not meant to offend or put blame upon school professionals. Rather, I offer an examination of these situations as part of an effort to encourage discussion among my special education colleagues about ways we might improve our relationships with parents. The 2004–2005 school year was a time fraught with uncertainty as I found myself constantly having to justify my son’s inclusive placement and services during his first grade. ‘‘No surprises, please’’ captures the idea of this uncertainty as I began to recognize the fragility of inclusion, how educational services and supports can change at any moment, without apparent warning. Such tenuous circumstances serve only to add to the sense of tension and distrust that emerged as a result of instances of betrayal I felt when interacting with some school personnel.